Candle Crazy

Candles are synonymous with writing to me.

When I was a little girl my mother inexplicably allowed me to keep a lit candle on my desk as I read in the winter afternoons. I stuck normal dinner tapers in the top of an old wine bottle and treasured the colored patterns the dripping wax created on the sides of the green bottle. I read all of the Little House books, Mark Twain, Robert Louis Stevenson, Noel Streatfield and Daniel Defoe watching the wax drip down the sides of those bottles.

When I started writing in earnest a few years ago, I started lighting scented candles when I wrote. At first I thought it would act as a warning beacon to my sons to communicate that I was engaged in a serious creative pursuit and should not be disturbed. Then I started insisting on having candles lit at dinner, on the dining room table as I sat with my tea and book in the grey dawn before anyone gets up, and in my room as I get dressed. I even have little travel candle tins that I impermissibly use in hotel rooms when I am at writing retreats.

It's not quite an obsession but more of a marker, a reminder, that I am open for the business of writing or thinking about writing, whether my own or someone's else's. When I walk into my office, I get a whiff of hyacinth left over from the day before and it makes me do a mental check on when I will get to sit down and write that day, already anticipating the sound of the match flaring into light. I'm not unaware of the Christian service overtones. I serve as a subdeacon at my Episcopal church and I am cognizant of the power of candles being lit or extinguished and what they communicate to the congregation.

It makes it very easy to buy gifts for me. I am thrilled when people give me candle paraphenalia. I recently received a blue glass votive holder, inspired by Alvar Aalto, the famous Finnish designer. It already has a permanent spot on the dining room table.

There's also a promise involved in lighting a candle. The big poured jar candles claim that they last 60 hours. I don't know if that's true, but when I buy a new candle it's like an insurance policy or vow to myself that I will make good use of it and see it through to the end. The idea of leaving a candle only half-used is beyond comprehension